My girlfriend figured out who you are.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
