I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
