watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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