spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
