Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
