Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
