well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize