I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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