on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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