My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this just has baby written all over it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
