Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
