I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
