Say something about gay babies.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
