the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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