i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
