I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
