I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
