Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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