only if we run a train.
done.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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