I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
