tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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