From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Blood and glitter go together right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize