this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
