I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
