I wannas sexs uuuuu
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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