I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Are we still banned from the library?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
