Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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