omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
