this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
