I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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