What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
