I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
