Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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