you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
