white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
