is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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