I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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