I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
then he tried to convert me to islam
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize