God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
