dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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