This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
