Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
