By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
