Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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