ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize