i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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