he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Couch. On fire.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
