Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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