I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
