So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
