We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize