I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
