I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
