It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
