Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
