And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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