i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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