And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
