I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think your dad took our porno
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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