My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
