I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
