Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
