It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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